We are presently in this deep womb space of darkness… the darkest time of the year. Immersed in a place of tender holding… waiting… trusting. We have learned to fear this darkness… and yet without it, we wouldn’t learn how to surrender, and to shed layers of our self that are ready to transmute into something even more beautiful.
In my own journey, I’ve longed to quicken or even skip this cycle of death and grief… fearful that I wouldn’t survive the e-motions necessary to move into my next rebirth, or that there wouldn’t be a next rebirth. And yet, with each surrender, I find the most sacred process unfolding… an inner respite of gestation and incubation… meeting aspects of my Self that are vibrant, anchored, vulnerable, humble, wild… that feel anciently familiar ~ my e-motions illuminating my path to more and more of who I am… deeper and deeper into my Self… feeling held by a tender loving Presence. Though interestingly, no matter how many times I’ve experienced this process, my ‘mind’ still encounters a gripping response as I enter into this inner journey (and maybe always will!).
Many of us have learned the power of our breath and its connection to presence. Though it seems over the past 2 years, we’ve been asked to re-evaluate this ancient practice… as we’ve been experiencing a whole new energy shift moving upon the earth… many of us discovering new ways of being as other more worn-out versions dissolve. We’ve been learning what surrender really means, at least that’s been the case in my own life. It’s been much more of a moment-by-moment surrender, and of watching old stories rise to the surface to be healed.
I’ve made some major changes this past year as I felt guided to surrender my sacred business as well as my home and possessions. I’ve moved in with my sister, and have been learning to navigate the dark in a whole new way. At times, I’ve been entangled in self-doubt, questioning whether I’ve listened accurately to my intuitive guidance. Though I keep hearing this inner voice: “What is TRULY essential moving forward? Re-member the ancient wisdom of your body.”
While this particular part of my journey has been extremely challenging, this cycle of re-birth feels monumental. I’m grateful to my sister for this space to heal and grow, within myself, with each other, and within our ancestral lineage. So much trauma, stories that have kept our lineage feeling repressed, small, powerless, terrified, enraged… our brilliant creative light dimmed ~ all bubbling up to the surface for healing and renewal. It feels so uplifting to know that I am assisting in this process, that I’m deepening my connection with my ancestors, both human and other-than-human, who are wise, wild, resilient, and light-hearted… to feel them pulsing in my bones, my blood, my cells… like a powerful re-union of song and dance!
Through all of this, I’ve learned to breathe even deeper into the discomfort, the Darkness, to re-define what this process means to me. It’s become more of an inner reverence, an honoring that no matter what arises, I will not abandon myself… that the ‘waiting’ is incredibly sacred… as sacred as the ebbs and flows of the earth’s rhythms and cycles… and of the cosmos in her ever twirling mystery of Dark birthing the Light.
As you journey more fully into 2022 and breathe the sun’s radiant light into your being, may you also continue to honor the cycle of darkness… to trust this process as carrying a healing elixir for your soul… to love yourself through the entire journey… and to remember yourself as a thread of the Divine interwoven into the Great Cosmic Tapestry of Life.
And in closing, I invite you to ask your inner Self “What is TRULY essential moving forward? Re-member the ancient wisdom of your body.” You may be as surprised as I’ve been when you hear the answer.